Chronic Illness Challenge Day 11

Why I Think I'm Sick

I believe I’m sick because that was just the way it was meant to be. I didn’t exactly have the best start in life being born either. I was born three months premature and I was only one pound and eight ounces. So I feel like that plays the largest factor in me being sick. It might not be the answer to everything that is wrong with me now but I think it does explain a lot of things. And the EDS is also genetic so I can probably blame my mom for that. While she hasn’t been formally diagnosed with it we’ve established that I got it from her probably because my dad and everyone on his side of the family is about as flexible as a piece of concrete.

I used to be angry that some sort of higher power made me this screwed up so other people could be perfect or something like that. I know it sounds stupid but that was the rationale that young me came up with. I don’t blame anything now really I guess I only blame myself because I feel like such a burden. I know a lot of you guys probably feel the same way I do like we’re just burdening our friends and family. And that to me is a very difficult mental hurdle to overcome.

And I feel like we often have these feelings because we weren’t allowed to or capable of mourning for our pre-illness lives. And if you feel like you haven’t then do it. Be mad, throw stuff just let it all out because when you do you’ll feel better. And changes might not be obvious right away but it’s a step by step process of learning how to live again. We accepted our pre-illness selves now that time is over and we have to accept our chronic illness selves.